Do You Measure Up? The Right Questions are Key
by Christos Tsolkas
In high school, I was an AB student and a very average basketball player. Yet, I didn’t feel like I was mediocre because I was surrounded by friends who had a mix of qualities. Some of us were stars in some areas and terrible in others. We didn’t judge each other.
My professional life was a different story. Suddenly I was being evaluated and assessed from every direction at once. My bosses had their view. My customers and peers another. There were external measures like sales targets, annual performance reviews, and the like resulting in promotions, salary raises, etc. And there were internal measures, too, such as how I felt during presentations, interactions with colleagues and bosses, or with customers in negotiations. I could be tough on myself.
Now, I care a lot less about what others think or how the world evaluates success and a lot more about how I feel about my life. Sometimes, I compare myself to where I thought I would be or what I expected to be doing. But mainly, I value my own internal meter to tell me how I’m doing.
Which approach or attitude is right?
The pressure to perform can hit us from many different angles. Behind that pressure is a question: Do I measure up?
How we answer that question is essential. If we’re not careful, our perspective on our own performance can become skewed by the angle or lens we use. We can think we are better or worse than we are and act accordingly. It’s time to question what measures or filters we use.
Here’s what I mean.
For most of us, our “personal” measures of performance change over time and in terms of areas of concern.
When we’re young, maybe we worry about how many experiences we accumulate or how well we do in sports or school compared to our friends. In our work, perhaps we focus on promotions or salary. In our emotional lives, we may measure success by whether we attract the gender of interest or get married and have kids, or maybe live an exciting life with lots of adventures.
When things are going well, those measures can provide even more wind in our sails. But when things go wrong, measures can suddenly be devastating.
Are we a failure if we get divorced, lose a job, or cannot buy a new car because we work for a non-profit? Feelings of success or failure are primarily determined by how we measure or assess ourselves. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to make such assessments more useful.
Typically, there are three ways we judge our performance. Each has advantages and disadvantages.
1. Comparing ourselves to others
Most of us do this instinctively. The psychologist Leon Festinger articulated this tendency in 1954 when he published his work on social comparison theory. To Festinger, we have an innate drive to assess and modulate ourselves according to the opinions of others.
The problem is: which “others” do we compare ourselves with? Festinger realized that we do this in two ways: comparing ourselves to people who are better than us or by people who are not better than us.
Some of us tend to judge ourselves by the best and the most talented people in a field. If we’re an actor, we might look at Leo DiCaprio and say, “I’m not that good.”
In contrast, if we’re a middle-class person with a house and car, we might look at a homeless person and think, “I’m really established and successful.”
Neither of these perspectives is particularly meaningful on their own. The important thing is to use them in helpful ways. We can say, “My life is so good, I should be more thankful,” and feel more satisfaction and compassion. Or we can say, “I’m not as talented as so-and-so, so I have to work harder.”
2. Comparing ourselves to our past self
Have you ever been surprised to see an old picture of yourself pop up on your iPhone or Facebook? Maybe you think, “Wow, I was a lot thinner / younger then!” Or “I looked so unhappy then. That was a challenging time.”
Those kinds of glimpses or thoughts about our past selves can be helpful or hurtful. If they make us feel down, they should also prompt us to figure out how to get back on track or evaluate whether that old self is worth working to recreate.
On the other hand, maybe you think, “I sure have come a long way,” and get to feel good about yourself. It’s less important to react to those comparisons and, more importantly, how you handle that reaction. Does it help you to make peace with your current self? Does it help you to recalibrate your future? Or does it paralyze you with regret or self-loathing?
3. Comparing ourselves to our future self
For most of my adult life, I’ve thought a lot more about my future than my past. I’ve always been striving to become better at what I do, to accomplish more, to accrue more rewards. I see what I’d like to become, and I set out to become that person.
In essence, I was comparing my present self to my future self. I’ve always believed this to be a positive quality. It drove or motivated me to work harder, to change, to learn.
Interestingly, researchers have found that people who believe they will be more or less the same ten years from now are significantly happier than those who think they will be better or worse in ten years.
Now that I’m wiser and more mature, I think this has a lot to do with “being present” and “enjoying the moment.” I agree entirely with this philosophy. Life is to be enjoyed, and every moment has something extraordinary about it. But I still believe in change and growth. The difference for me now is that I get to have my cake and eat it, too.
Wherever You Go, Whatever You Do, There Υou Are
I wonder if it’s even possible to avoid comparing ourselves at some level to someone or something. Perhaps it’s innately human behavior and quality. But that doesn’t mean we have to respond or react to every different comparison. We can choose what we should measure ourselves against and what we should do with that information.
Performance measures are just data points, nothing more. In this age of data, it’s easier to see how inundated we can become by information that is not relevant, harmful, or distracting. I believe that’s an attitude we should adopt when evaluating our own selves. We can decide what data we value and what information we think is less valuable. We also get to choose how to use that data.
In this way, I think we can lead a more conscious and deliberate life, less influenced by the whims of others and more aligned with what we want or value. That’s the secret, I think, to be open to perspectives and information without being tossed around by those opinions and evaluations.
And how about business? In the following piece, I will talk about business and the significance of performance lenses. Stay tuned.
CTjun21
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Christos Tsolkas is an Independent Business Advisor, Entrepreneur, and Author of the new book, The Gift of Crisis: How Leaders Use Purpose to Renew their Lives, Change their Organizations, and Save the World.
He has spent more than 25 years in positions of significant responsibility (general management, sales & marketing) with multinationals in the fast-moving consumer goods sector, leading senior teams to achieve high performance and change. His educational background in chemical engineering & business, and he is dedicated to continuous learning.
